Comments for marriage help | help me save my marriage |parenting tips|parenting help http://theoddcoupleblog.com Resources for the stressed out spouse & parent in the 21 century Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:04:20 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 Comment on To Spank or Not to Spank by Shawn http://theoddcoupleblog.com/to-spank-or-not-to-spank#comment-1617 Shawn Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:04:20 +0000 http://theoddcoupleblog.com/?p=1224#comment-1617 Jenny, great point. The point is to have a tool to bring consequence into your child's life. When our kids where in high middle school thru high school socialization was more important to them so our tool changed from spanking to extra chores or not attending the all important social outing. Jenny, great point. The point is to have a tool to bring consequence into your child’s life. When our kids where in high middle school thru high school socialization was more important to them so our tool changed from spanking to extra chores or not attending the all important social outing.

]]> Comment on To Spank or Not to Spank by Jenny http://theoddcoupleblog.com/to-spank-or-not-to-spank#comment-1616 Jenny Wed, 22 Feb 2012 21:48:23 +0000 http://theoddcoupleblog.com/?p=1224#comment-1616 I swatted behinds a time or two, but mostly I've been able to instill a sense of conscience & right/wrong with words and looks. My boys would rather us be angry with them than disappointed in them. We've taught them what is acceptable/appropriate behavior for public & other people's homes vs. behavior that won't be tolerated. Now that they're getting a little older (12, 9 & 7), the biggest problem I have is the way they speak to and treat each other. They're energetic & rambunctious but I don't let them run wild through restaurants or throw tantrums in stores. They know that there are consequences for their actions, and I absolutely believe that they should be made to feel bad when they're disrespectful towards each other or anyone else. I very much stick to the golden rule, and it seems to have worked. So, I don't use 'physical' punishment anymore, but they're also too old for 'timeouts' or to be sent to their room. I'm a fan of extra chores and my teachers' favorite punishment back in the day--copying out of the dictionary LOL. There's always Bart Simpson's punishment--'I will not...' 500 x :) I do think that a lot of parents today let their toddlers & young children walk all over them. As soon as they can talk they're old enough to understand your simple expectations, and they know how to push your buttons. Insist on obedience when they're little, & you're more likely to have it when they're teenagers. I swatted behinds a time or two, but mostly I’ve been able to instill a sense of conscience & right/wrong with words and looks. My boys would rather us be angry with them than disappointed in them. We’ve taught them what is acceptable/appropriate behavior for public & other people’s homes vs. behavior that won’t be tolerated. Now that they’re getting a little older (12, 9 & 7), the biggest problem I have is the way they speak to and treat each other. They’re energetic & rambunctious but I don’t let them run wild through restaurants or throw tantrums in stores. They know that there are consequences for their actions, and I absolutely believe that they should be made to feel bad when they’re disrespectful towards each other or anyone else. I very much stick to the golden rule, and it seems to have worked. So, I don’t use ‘physical’ punishment anymore, but they’re also too old for ‘timeouts’ or to be sent to their room. I’m a fan of extra chores and my teachers’ favorite punishment back in the day–copying out of the dictionary LOL. There’s always Bart Simpson’s punishment–’I will not…’ 500 x :) I do think that a lot of parents today let their toddlers & young children walk all over them. As soon as they can talk they’re old enough to understand your simple expectations, and they know how to push your buttons. Insist on obedience when they’re little, & you’re more likely to have it when they’re teenagers.

]]> Comment on To Spank or Not to Spank by helen http://theoddcoupleblog.com/to-spank-or-not-to-spank#comment-1615 helen Wed, 22 Feb 2012 20:37:31 +0000 http://theoddcoupleblog.com/?p=1224#comment-1615 i live in germany - and some people use to spank their children here too - even if it is forbidden. and i have to tell you , that those children are not less self-absorbed as most of the teenagers today! my boy is not always that well behaved as his grandmother would have liked it – i can deal with him and the misbehaving now and then. i don.t believe in obeying all the time … only because i am 35 years older than him, doesn.t make me the better person … ok when it comes to money … i am the one who is earning, so i am the one who is deciding … just have a look at your youth, time today is so much different as the time we all grew up … i grew up in the 60s and 70s and i couldn.t have dreamed of the possibilities i have today and my son has today … and the life of my grand children will be different too … so in my opinion it is time to change tools … a child should feel loved by his parents, the parents shall give them shelter … spanking leads to distrust. but i agree that we disagree. i live in germany – and some people use to spank their children here too – even if it is forbidden.
and i have to tell you , that those children are not less self-absorbed as most of the teenagers today!

my boy is not always that well behaved as his grandmother would have liked it – i can deal with him and the misbehaving now and then.

i don.t believe in obeying all the time … only because i am 35 years older than him, doesn.t make me the better person … ok when it comes to money … i am the one who is earning, so i am the one who is deciding …

just have a look at your youth, time today is so much different as the time we all grew up … i grew up in the 60s and 70s and i couldn.t have dreamed of the possibilities i have today and my son has today … and the life of my grand children will be different too … so in my opinion it is time to change tools …

a child should feel loved by his parents, the parents shall give them shelter … spanking leads to distrust.

but i agree that we disagree.

]]> Comment on To Spank or Not to Spank by Shawn http://theoddcoupleblog.com/to-spank-or-not-to-spank#comment-1614 Shawn Wed, 22 Feb 2012 20:14:07 +0000 http://theoddcoupleblog.com/?p=1224#comment-1614 First thank you Helen for sharing your feelings on spanking. I knew that I would touch emotions on both sides of the issue. I put this article out as a tool for parents to read and then for us to talk about. I think it is a blessing to a parent to have a well behaved child. And it is obvious that you have done well in raising your boy. My husband and I did use spanking as a tool to raise our children and we don't apologize for it. I also agree with you that a parent who is out of control should not touch their child. Hitting and abusing a child is wrong! And I still believe that anarchy & ruin will come if children are not taught self-control & how to behave. I don't know where you live but here in the US we already have a generation of self-absorbed, spoiled children. The world has a way of teaching life lessons harshly and if they would of been taught those lessons at home as they where growing up it would be better for them. First thank you Helen for sharing your feelings on spanking. I knew that I would touch emotions on both sides of the issue. I put this article out as a tool for parents to read and then for us to talk about.

I think it is a blessing to a parent to have a well behaved child. And it is obvious that you have done well in raising your boy. My husband and I did use spanking as a tool to raise our children and we don’t apologize for it. I also agree with you that a parent who is out of control should not touch their child. Hitting and abusing a child is wrong!

And I still believe that anarchy & ruin will come if children are not taught self-control & how to behave. I don’t know where you live but here in the US we already have a generation of self-absorbed, spoiled children. The world has a way of teaching life lessons harshly and if they would of been taught those lessons at home as they where growing up it would be better for them.

]]> Comment on To Spank or Not to Spank by Shawn http://theoddcoupleblog.com/to-spank-or-not-to-spank#comment-1613 Shawn Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:56:30 +0000 http://theoddcoupleblog.com/?p=1224#comment-1613 I agree with you with the case by case decision. Spanking is not a tool to use for a parents anger release but to help guide a child. I am so pleased that you have a great teen boy! Keep being a great parent and using the tools that work for you. I agree with you with the case by case decision. Spanking is not a tool to use for a parents anger release but to help guide a child. I am so pleased that you have a great teen boy! Keep being a great parent and using the tools that work for you.

]]> Comment on To Spank or Not to Spank by Shawn http://theoddcoupleblog.com/to-spank-or-not-to-spank#comment-1612 Shawn Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:52:31 +0000 http://theoddcoupleblog.com/?p=1224#comment-1612 Thanks Tor. Spanking is a tool to use at a certain time in a child's life. Thanks Tor. Spanking is a tool to use at a certain time in a child’s life.

]]> Comment on To Spank or Not to Spank by Tor Constantino, MBA http://theoddcoupleblog.com/to-spank-or-not-to-spank#comment-1610 Tor Constantino, MBA Wed, 22 Feb 2012 18:04:58 +0000 http://theoddcoupleblog.com/?p=1224#comment-1610 Shawn, great post - I agree with spanking as a discipline option as you've carefully outlined it here. Shawn, great post – I agree with spanking as a discipline option as you’ve carefully outlined it here.

]]> Comment on To Spank or Not to Spank by Nicole Bandes http://theoddcoupleblog.com/to-spank-or-not-to-spank#comment-1609 Nicole Bandes Wed, 22 Feb 2012 17:11:15 +0000 http://theoddcoupleblog.com/?p=1224#comment-1609 I used to teach parenting education classes for Parents Anonymous. Our position was that spanking was NEVER OK but that was primarily because most parents do not have the ability to separate their emotions from the act and to do it from a place of love and support. I don't believe spanking is necessary but it sometimes beneficial. It would have to be a case by case decision with most cases being a definitive NO. I spanked my son once. He doesn't remember it. He's turned out to be a great teen with no obedience or discipline problems. I used to teach parenting education classes for Parents Anonymous. Our position was that spanking was NEVER OK but that was primarily because most parents do not have the ability to separate their emotions from the act and to do it from a place of love and support.

I don’t believe spanking is necessary but it sometimes beneficial. It would have to be a case by case decision with most cases being a definitive NO.

I spanked my son once. He doesn’t remember it. He’s turned out to be a great teen with no obedience or discipline problems.

]]> Comment on To Spank or Not to Spank by helen http://theoddcoupleblog.com/to-spank-or-not-to-spank#comment-1608 helen Wed, 22 Feb 2012 16:23:40 +0000 http://theoddcoupleblog.com/?p=1224#comment-1608 i truly believe that children can be rised without spanking! and i am very happy that my country forbids parents to spank their children. "every child has the right of a non-violent education!" you say that it is ok to spank a child when it is old enough to show a will on his own. that appears to me, as if the will of a child is something bad. people talks so much about adjusting to society, to control oneself … and yet this drives us to a lack of visions, of self thinking people. my mom used to argue, that a little spank now and then does no harm … i disagree strongly. spanking a child is kind of losing control of oneself, most parents who spank are helpless, they don.t know how to argue anymore. living as a family is about respecting each other. i know what i am talking about. i am proud mom of a 15 year old boy. a boy with a very strong will on his own. a boy who is able to make up his mind about the world! with fantastic ideas about society! and i never spanked him in 15 years and he was a challenge most times … what did i do? i thought about the rules and the dos and don.ts … skipped some unnecessary ones and came to agreement according the necessary ones. we even have the problem that my son suffers of anxiety disorder and i have been able and i am still able to help him to make him go to school every morning (which is mandatory here) with out drugs, hospital and spanking … no spanking doesn.t lead to anarchy and ruin, it leads to respect, love and caring. a child which is always in full control over his body (not being spanked) won.t be easily a victim of abuse. i acknowledge that you have risen your children with the best efforts and that you love them … but i disagree on spanking! i truly believe that children can be rised without spanking!
and i am very happy that my country forbids parents to spank their children.
“every child has the right of a non-violent education!”

you say that it is ok to spank a child when it is old enough to show a will on his own. that appears to me, as if the will of a child is something bad.
people talks so much about adjusting to society, to control oneself … and yet this drives us to a lack of visions, of self thinking people.

my mom used to argue, that a little spank now and then does no harm … i disagree strongly.

spanking a child is kind of losing control of oneself, most parents who spank are helpless, they don.t know how to argue anymore.

living as a family is about respecting each other.

i know what i am talking about. i am proud mom of a 15 year old boy. a boy with a very strong will on his own. a boy who is able to make up his mind about the world! with fantastic ideas about society!

and i never spanked him in 15 years and he was a challenge most times … what did i do? i thought about the rules and the dos and don.ts … skipped some unnecessary ones and came to agreement according the necessary ones.

we even have the problem that my son suffers of anxiety disorder and i have been able and i am still able to help him to make him go to school every morning (which is mandatory here) with out drugs, hospital and spanking …

no spanking doesn.t lead to anarchy and ruin, it leads to respect, love and caring.
a child which is always in full control over his body (not being spanked) won.t be easily a victim of abuse.

i acknowledge that you have risen your children with the best efforts and that you love them … but i disagree on spanking!

]]> Comment on Reasons for a tantrum and what you can do to avoid them by Shawn http://theoddcoupleblog.com/reasons-tantrum-avoid#comment-1599 Shawn Mon, 20 Feb 2012 23:09:35 +0000 http://theoddcoupleblog.com/?p=1215#comment-1599 Katrina it does sound like the perfect storm set up doesn't it. I know that parents are stressed & short on time but taking a tired & hungry child out to shop is just setting themselves up for a tantrum to happen. And giving in to the demand is just setting up the next tantrum. Parents need to get over being embarrassed and just deal with their children in difficult situations. Katrina it does sound like the perfect storm set up doesn’t it. I know that parents are stressed & short on time but taking a tired & hungry child out to shop is just setting themselves up for a tantrum to happen. And giving in to the demand is just setting up the next tantrum. Parents need to get over being embarrassed and just deal with their children in difficult situations.

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