If you haven’t heard about the big news of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorcing the last 
couple of days then you must have been hiding under a rock. Granted, I do pay attention to this type of news when I hear it because I write about marriage and how to avoid divorce. I think Hollywood has to be one of the hardest places in the world to make a marriage work. These people live in a fairy tale where they are always right and always have a happy ending so when they come back to their real life and have to deal with their marriage that is in the land of reality it can be hard for them. But I did do some research and I believe that there are three things that Tom and Katie did wrong that we the common people can even learn from.
History
People, please look at the history of the person you are about to marry. In Tom Cruise’s case he had been married two times before. His marriages lasted around three years and they usually ended with him either cheating on the wife with the new woman or he married within the year of a divorce. As my momma use to say, if he cheated with you he will cheat on you. In my best Dr. Phil voice I want to say to you, the best predictor for future behavior is a person’s past behavior.
Take stock of a person’s history. Do what you can to make sure their old mistakes don’t follow along into your relationship. Pay attention to a person’s history.
Time and Distance
You don’t have to be famous Hollywood stars to put time and distance between yourself and your spouse. Work, family, and personal hobbies can all come in and fill your days until you are only seeing each other while brushing your teeth at night and sometimes not even then. You know who you are, stop it!
Make sure that you schedule time with your partner to see and talk to each other daily. Make sure to date each other at least weekly and have family time as well. Don’t let time and distance destroy your marriage.
Parenting Issues
It has been reported that Tom and Katie had different opinions on parenting issues. Instead of working those out they allowed this issue to be a factor in destroying their marriage. I believe almost every parent has had views that their partner hasn’t always agreed with concerning the kids. I know my husband and I haven’t always agreed on everything but we agreed on the fundamentals and then let the individual parent make decisions on a case by case situation.
A great rule for parents is to set up a meeting with each other and come to an agreement on the important fundamental issues and then trust your partner enough to parent your child without conflict from you.
Divorce Court
So there we have three things that Tom and Katie did wrong that we the common people can learn from. Pay attention to the history of your soon to be darling. Don’t allow time and distance to create gaps in your marriage. And iron out parenting issues before you need them. Taking care of these issues should help in keeping you out of divorce court.
What are somethings that been helpful to your marriage?
Ron and Shawn make up the “Odd Couple.” We are a husband and wife team who have 
been together for the last 27 years. We have laugh, cried, fought, made up, and made more mistakes then any two people could. Through it all we have raised the greatest three kids in the world! We would like to offer you a free report we put together titled 10 Marriage Help Tips Report with video. Click here for the report. Here is a picture of us at the World Famous Ft Worth, TX Stockyards
I think that when you start thinking of yourself as the most important person and don’t put the relationship first, that is the beginning of the end. I don’t know what happened with them, but religion is part of the day to day life that you live and it appears to be part of the problem in this relationship.
I think your relationship with God is important, but you also have to meet in the middle about what you believe and it sounds like Katie was compromising all the time (Scientology) and finally broke free.
It’s also important to understand that the divorce rate is 50% in our nation, we all need help with making our marriages work. It’s not a set it and forget it thing, it’s a job that sometimes requires overtime and you don’t accrue “vacation time”.
Mathea Ford recently posted..Review of Geoff Shaw’s Kindling – Day 6
I couldn’t agree more with you Mathea. Since religion is so important in a marriage it needs to be discussed and agreed upon before marriage. A favorite saying I have come across is marriage isn’t a noun its a verb and needs work every day.
What a fantastic post. Divorce is extremely stressful and expensive, so it is extremely important that you know who you are marrying and the type of life you are getting yourself into.
I agree with your momma—if he cheated with you, he will cheat on you. Women should never, ever think that they are the ones who will finally fix a guy. Especially if they were the “other woman”!
Angie Hottentots-Laurel recently posted..6 Catchy Tunes That Give a Little Thanks
Thanks Angie. Divorce is so damaging to so many people. It doesn’t just affect the husband & wife but the kids and immediate family around them. Stop and think before you make the big leap into marriage hoping to avoid divorce.
I think you forgot, “Don’t marry someone in a crazy cult who goes on Oprah and jumps up and down on the chair while screaming they love you.” It’s a bad sign.
Michelle Mahoney recently posted..Record Keeping to Keep You Legal!
Yep! bipolar might be a term.
Shawn, I have to say my cynical-self popped up when this news broke. I figured they had a contract for one baby to be produced and a minimum five years of marriage and that this was all to be expected! Isn’t it horrible to believe that?! So little trust do I have in what we see and hear from public figures.
It is hard to imagine that but I know crazy things happen in that culture. I’ll stay with my “normal” life and wish them all well.
It’s sad to me when people divorce. You need trust and good communications to work things out.
I tend not to read much about celebrity marriages, instead, reading more about every day, successful couples. Oh, wait, I’m one of them. My hubby and I will celebrate our 15th anniversary next month
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Congratulations Lisa on 15 yrs of marriage! I’m with you and enjoy hearing about every day couples who do the work and make their relationship strong. Trust & communication are two important tools for doing that.
Not sure I agree this time, Shawn.
One could have cheated because s/he chose a terrible mate, one that did not support or encourage. Admittedly, they should have separated first. There are other reasons, but this one is a prevalent one- especially among those who marry at an early age.
But… the cheater may also have learned why that was poor behavior and would never repeat. (I know of at least a dozen folks who fit this category.) Your statement would imply one never learns from mistakes.
Roy A. Ackerman, Ph.D., E.A. recently posted..I’ll know it when I see it?
Learning from our mistakes is the best way to remember the lesson. If you have to relearn the lesson two more times then the person is either a very slow and cruel person or they just don’t care and will do what they want to please themselves. I also know many people who didn’t care enough about their vows and only wanted to please themselves they did not care for the wake and wreckage they left behind. That is not only poor behavior but inexcusable. I speak as some of the wreckage that has been left behind from many parental comings and goings.