Here is this week’s installment of the marriage blog series that my friend Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. from jackiebledsoe.com and I are doing together. I hope you enjoy it. Let us know in the comment section.

Our Marriage In A Mirror? 

This week’s blog in our marriage series is an interesting one. We are looking at if our kids want a marriage like ours. With two of my children married it is interesting to watch how they communicate with each other and how they have developed into their relationships. They both married people who have the same belief system that our kids grew up in. And I do see some of the struggles in their marriages that we had in our own as a young couple. Money, growing use to having someone with you 24/7 and acting as a pair instead of an individual where some of the hardest things for us in the beginning and so it seems with our kids as well.

Spiritual Walk

It will be up to them to decide what is the most important in their marriages. Our hope for them is of course to grow stronger in their spiritual walk and to do that together. That has been the strongest thread that has kept us together during the hard times of marriage. We are learning that the best way to support this is to pray for them and to let them know about those prayers as well.

Kindness & Respect

 Our kids have seen their father treat me with kindness and respect through the years. It is also one thing he demanded of them as they where growing up, always treat mom with respect. I see that in my kids as they deal with each other asking what the other would like to do. Right now, my daughter-in-law has a terrible flu and I love watching my son take care of his wife. I love my daughter-in-law for how she brings out the man in my son.

A Better Brand Of Marriage

Do our children want a marriage like ours? I hope not, I hope they create their own special bond with their mates. I know all the flaws and creases in the marriage I have and I pray the kids can be spared some of the bumps and bruises that we have gone through over the years. I want the kids to have marriages that serve the Lord and create a new generation that will be lead to do the same.

JACKIE’S TURN:

Marriage role models.  That’s what we are.  To our kids.  To singles.  To other married couples.  Whether you like it or not, when you are married you are a “role model.”   The question is are you a good role model, or a bad role model?

When I grow up….

As a kid I always had an athlete I wanted to be like.  Somebody I looked up to.  When I became an adult I began looking up to successful entrepreneurs.  Sports was my biggest interest as a kid, and entrepreneurship one of my biggest as an adult.  So naturally I looked to those who did it best, who were successful, and who really loved what they did.

But what about marriage?  More people get married than go pro in a sport.  The same can probably be said for entrepreneurs.  I have yet to see or hear a child say, “when I grow up I want to be a husband just like that!”  You may argue that many young girls have a desire to get married, but do they have a “wife role model?“

Take responsibility

Some debate whether athletes or entertainers should be considered role models.  I’m not sure, but they are thrust in the spotlight and into the “role model” position so with that does come a level of responsibility.  The same goes for marriage.

Whether married couples like it or not there are other people watching your marriage.  Your co-workers, your friends, other married couples, singles, and most important your kids.  When you commit to marriage you have a responsibility.  First to God, your wife, and the children you bring into that marriage.

Model marriage

If your kids are to play and be passionate about sports you have to expose them to it.  Take them to games, practice with them, sign them up for a league, talk to them about the sport.  If your kids are to have someone to look up to in marriage you have to expose them to a marriage worth looking up to.  That should be your marriage.

Model dating, after marriage.  Model communication, when you agree and don’t agree.  Model joy and happiness.  Model problem  solving.  Model money management.  Model learning.  Model trust and respect.

When your kids grow up…

More than likely your kids are going to get married.  When they do, you want them to be as prepared as possible for what marriage brings.  The good and the bad.  If you are married you’ve probably said “nobody told me it would be like this!”  We prepare our kids for almost everything else.  Maybe marriage should be included in that.

I don’t want our kids asking that question.  Just like everything else, I want them to be as prepared as possible.  I may not be able to prepare them for everything, but I will do my best to equip them to handle everything.  And if they have a marriage like ours, then they can feel comfortable they can live with that.

Here is this week’s installment of the marriage blog series that my friend Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. from jackiebledsoe.com and I are doing together. I hope you enjoy it. Let us know in the comment section.

Best Friends?

This week in our marriage blog series we are looking at the question of is it good to be best friends with your mate. The answer might be more complicated then what it looks like it should be. My first instinct is to say yes, of course. But there are many relationships that I am a part of that my husband is not involved in.

Are Girlfriends Enough?

For example, I have my girlfriends and our outings and the things we do. Most of them my spouse would not want to be a part of such as shopping, visiting and exclaiming over new babies and family members. My best girlfriend lives about 1100 miles from me but we still stay close with technology and visits back and forth.

Another World

I love the volunteer work I do and have become close to many people. My hubby never touches this world because he is at work while I do this. Also, there is Bible study and the ladies there that I care for very much.

Best Friend!

I wanted to share with you that a person can be involved in many things and have close friends at all of them. But, my first instinct was correct. My husband is my best friend we come together and share what happens in each others lives when we are apart but my heart and my allegiance belongs to my very best friend in this entire world, my husband.

Activities To Bring You Together

We keep our relationship up by sharing in the activities that I mentioned before but also by spending time together and making memories that we can draw on. Our family draws us close and we love to spend time with our kids. My hubby and I enjoy some of the same activities we mostly putter around the house and yard working together helps to cement our bond. Our faith also is a big factor in keeping our marriage intact and drawing us close to one another.

There can be lots of other people in your life but make sure that your spouse has the honor of being your best friend!

Share with us how you and your spouse are best friends.

Jackie’s Turn:

Here is this week’s installment of the marriage blog series that my friend Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. from jackiebledsoe.com and I are doing together. I hope you enjoy it. Let us know in the comment section.

The Parents

We all have parents and most of us as we grow older have a protective feel for them. If someone is unkind or disrespectful towards them then we tend to get defensive and want to rush to their aid. Now, think of your spouse and their parent’s do you give the same kind of kindness and respect to them that you give and want others to give to your parents?

Respect?

You might be saying, but wait you don’t understand. They have treated me badly in the past or they don’t like me. Unfortunately, that happens. But, lets take a look at the relationships, you love your spouse don’t you? They have to have qualities that drew you to them. How did they become the person they are? Their parents had a lot to do with it. They loved their child and taught them how to be a good person and instilled those qualities that you love into them. Somebody who did that for the person I love, they deserve my respect in the least and my love at the most. And because I love my spouse and want to show that to him I am willing to realize how important his parents are to him and to act kind towards them.

The Challenge

If you don’t have a good relationship with your in-laws right now then I challenge you to change your habits towards them. Be thoughtful and kind with them. Treat them as you would like others to treat your parents. Remember, they raised the most important person in the world to you. They have to be good people!

The In-laws

If you have in-laws that don’t respect your marriage I am not asking you to expose yourself nor your relationship to criticism or abuse. But if you take the first steps in ending the bickering I think you would find people who would be open to having a relationship with you. I know as a parent with two married children my biggest concern in their marriages is that their spouses treat my kids well. If my kids are happy in their marriage then I am happy to open up my heart and our family to their spouse.

Oh my, have I just become the in-law?

Share your relationship with your in-laws.

Jackie’s Turn:

Respect

When you show respect to someone, they typically show respect right back.  If the relationship with your in-laws is based on respect, then you can grow and develop the other areas.  Respect in the way you speak to each other, and respect in the way things are done in your respective houses.  Although your household may function differently than your parents-in-law, and vice versa, that should be respected and not condemned because it is different, including how you relate to your children.

Trust

This actually begins with your marriage relationship.  As a husband, if my father-in-law trusts that I will love my wife/his daughter and treat her as well or better than he has, then a great standard and foundation is set.  If he knows there is nobody outside of him that will respect, love, and treat her as well, then other challenges may not be as much of a concern.

Honor

The bible teaches us to “honor your father and your mother.”  When you get married your parents-in-law are you father and mother as well.  When you treat them with high regard, with the respect mentioned above, you strengthened your foundation.  That means if you don’t always see eye to eye, you have something that keeps you from doing serious damage to the relationship.

Communication

Respect, trust, and honor can be shown and reinforced by your communication.  Regular conversation with your in-laws is just as important as regular communication with your own parents.  If you have the previous points down, then your relationship can handle the tough conversations when, not if, needed.  When one or more of them (respect, trust, honor) have been breached then those intimate and/or tough conversations may never happen, or could get ugly.

Boundaries

This is a setting of expectations.  If your spouse has been at their parents house every year for every holiday, they may always expect it.  When you communicate with respect and honor, and trust has been established then you can set the expectations so frustration doesn’t set in.  The expectations may be that you will be there every other holiday, or that you alternate years.  Whatever it is, the expectations and boundaries need to be communicated.  This will also increase the respect level.

Great in-law relations make your marriage even better!

Having a great relationship with your in-laws is one of the greatest blessings to your marriage.  If your in-law relationship isn’t where you want it, then begin to practice the points mentioned above, mixed with some prayer. :)  If you have a great in-law relationship keep working on it to make it even better.  Great in-law relationships are possible for all marriages and we should all strive for it.

Question: What is the best time you have had with your in-laws?  Please share in the comment section below.

Here is this week’s installment of the marriage blog series that my friend Jackie Bledsoe, Jr. from jackiebledsoe.com and I are doing together. I hope you enjoy it. Let us know in the comment section.

Favorite Ways to Spend Time With Your Spouse

This week my hubby and I have really enjoyed watching the Olympics. We both love the swimming and watching Michael Phelps win his 19th medal making him the most decorated Olympian ever! Also the gymnastics are awesome the muscle and control these kids have speaks to the work they do in their sport. So, it’s funny that our topic this week is about the favorite activities that we do with our spouses. Last week we talked about enjoying time away from our spouse doing separate hobbies so this week we will bring it back home and talk about what we enjoy doing with our partners.

Early to Rise Early to Bed

Ron and I don’t have a lot of time together during the week. Ron is out of the house early in the morning and usually doesn’t get home until later in the evening. So our week-ends are the times that we have to really enjoy each other and activities together. Neither of us are into the serious workout type of routines that sports offers.

Homestead Upkeep

However, we live on a large 3/4 of an acre yard and with all the kids gone the yard upkeep has fallen on us. We don’t mind since it leads into our other hobbies such as gardening and the hubby always has a garden tractor to tinker with or some yard or garden tool to keep sharp.

Backyard Delight

Those types of days always leads to planning a cookout and calling the family to see who is free to come over and eat and hang out with us for the afternoon. Sometimes we lay back listen to the birds and close our eyes and take a nap for a couple of hours.

Content with the Details

It doesn’t take much money or a specific location to be able to enjoy the time and activity with you spouse. Let me know what your favorite activity is with your spouse.

Jackie’s Turn:

The 2012 Summery Olympics are in full swing.  We have enjoyed them and look forward doing some fun Olympic-themed family activities over the remaining days.  This is a perfect time to share some of my favorite activities with my spouse.

Spending time is one way to build a healthy marriage, and can help you get to really know your spouse. Last week we talked about how to handle having separate hobbies, which can work and may be necessary.  However, I truly enjoy doing things with my wife.  I actually had a difficult time narrowing my list down, but I was able to come up with 5 of My Favorite Activities with my Spouse:

1. Morning  jogs. We recently started this, and I probably enjoy it a little more than my wife. However, we have both enjoyed the quiet and still of the morning, as well as the physical and mental benefits we get.
2. Bike riding.  This is probably my wife’s #1 favorite activity.  We do it with our kids as well, but we both really enjoy this time and we get the benefits of exercise as well.
3. Sunday afternoon naps.  There is nothing like a Sunday afternoon nap!  After a long week, and a great Sunday morning worship service at church, it is wonderful to have (sometimes force) the kids to take a nap so we are able to so as well.
4. Watching our kids sports.  I can tell already that I am going to reach some of my highest “highs” and my lowest “lows” with this.   Watching my kids is more difficult than actually playing, but to cheer them on while they are competing and giving their best, is awesome!
5. Prayer.  By no means are we as consistent as we want to be, but the time we do spend in prayer together are some of our best and most intimate times.  Something happens when you bring the presence of God in your marriage.  I pray we do it much more consistently.

Spending time with your spouse has great benefits.  It adds to the experience when you are doing a fun and/or rewarding activity.  If you don’t have a few things that you like to do with your spouse, begin to find some today!  You will be glad you did.

Question:  What are some of your favorite activities with your spouse?  Please share in the comment section below.

Today, we are having a guest blogger from across the pond as you will be able to guess from unique and sweet wordings. Rhianna is a SAHM to three rather awesome girls.  She shares the ups and downs of mothering, as well as her dream to one day be a real writer over at A Parenting Life

On Men and Chores

Whether we like it or not chores are a necessary part of life. While it would be an ideal world, if we could all afford to pay someone else, to carry out our daily chores, or better yet have a magic wand or fairy godmother on hand to take care of it all, we do not live in an ideal world. Chores are here to stay.

Should anyone have to do chores? Wouldn’t the world be a wonderful place if we were all exempt from the tiresome duties collectively known as chores? No more washing dishes, or hanging washing on the line. Freedom from the perils of dusting, sweeping and mopping. Oh, if only that were the way!

Women have spent over one hundred years fighting for equality. They have spent longer fighting continued oppression and domination. The days when it was accepted by the wider community that women should be the sole bearer of domestic work are apparently gone, though studies everywhere show that women are still the primary house-cleaner.

Why this unbalance occurs is unknown. Evidence shows that men are more than capable of maintaining an orderly abode. With marriages occurring later in life, thus extending the time that men spend as bachelors, modern men are becoming more accustomed to the laborious chores routinely performed by women. However for some reason, one commonly held opinion of these males is, that once they enter a relationship the responsibility of such things, belongs only to women.

Why can the working single man be able to complete household chores but not the married working man? Granted the single man has no other option, either he does the housework or he lives in a squalor which may ensure he stays a bachelor forever. This still doesn’t explain why as soon as a woman appears the man expects her to take care of everything domestic.

If working men don’t have to do chores, does that mean all gay couples have housemaids? Of course they don’t. So why is it acceptable for some men to work and do chores yet not for others? My only answer for this is disrespect and a lack of understanding. Unless you have personally tried to amuse a young child all day, while you partake in household chores you will never understand just how much work it is.

The problem is not enough people understand how much effort the stay at mum exerts in her daily activities. There is all the food preparation, serving and cleaning up after, at least three times a day. Then there is the clothes that need washing, drying, folding. Only to be put away for half a day till they get dragged out of the cupboard, worn for two hours, thrown on the floor and the process starts all over again. Not to mention amusing children or chauffeuring them to and from school/kindy/gym/sport or wherever else they need to go. Unlike hubby’s nice 9-5 job the life of domestic chores is 24/7, yet women who stay at home to nurture and care for children continually have to battle for recognition of the hours they put in.

Providing stimulating activities to young children while maintaining their happiness is no easy feat. It is certainly not made any easier with the addition of cooking, cleaning, washing and the many other hundreds of activities that a stay at home mum will complete on daily basis. While she may not get paid in a monetary sense her efforts are priceless and the stay at home mum deserves some assistance from the working man when he returns home. While for some it may be unreasonable to expect the man to cook a five course meal, ten minutes after he walks in the door, it is not unreasonable to ask him to take the rubbish out or assist with some other small but equally important chore. Even folding washing while watching the footy can be of great assistance.

Sharing the chores between all family members creates a team environment and promotes equality and fairness to all. Attributes that all youngsters should learn. There is no doubt in my mind that working men should do chores. In the words of Bob the Builder, “By working together we get the job done.”

I love the UBC, this has been my third time participating but I stay active even when the month is over. I have made some true friends here. I feel particularly fortunate from all the awards that I have been honored with. So here are the awards and the instructions that came with them. Thank you again for your kindness.

Sunshine Award & the Fabulous Blog Award

Sunshine Award

This award comes with a few very simple guidelines:

1. Post the award on your blog with a link back to the person who nominated you.

Sara Hadiaris  from the Recovery Corner. http://recovery-corner.blogspot.com

2. Answer the 10 given questions below.
3. Nominate and link to 10 fellow bloggers to pass along the honor.
4. Don’t’ forget to comment on your honoree’s blogs to share the love!

 Who is your favorite philosopher?

Jesus

What is your favorite number?

3 – I have 3 kids which is just enough

What is your favorite animal?

Dog – here is a picture of Chi isn’t she beautiful!

What are your Facebook and Twitter URLs?

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/shawnrsnyder

Twitter: https://twitter.com/shawnrsnyder

What is your favorite time of day?

Just after dinner when hubby & I can relax and talk

What is your favorite vacation?

I don’t really have a favorite. Anytime & anyplace.

What is your favorite physical activity?

Gardening and that is only in the spring & fall here in Tx.

What’s your favorite non-alcoholic drink?

Diet coke

What’s your favorite flower?

I love all flowers. Anything that isn’t to fussy and will grow in the garden is beautiful to me.

What is your passion?

My kids. Mess with them and you will have to take me on.

The 10 Bloggers To Whom I Bestow The Sunshine Award:

1. Debra Jason

2. Alessa Bertoluzzi

3. Dyrene Bell

4. Christine Mann

5. Patty Farmer

6. Dianne Jones

7. Peter Mead

8. Roy Ackerman

9. Teresa Beeman

10. Debra Jason

Fabulous Blog Award Info

Thank the blogger who gave it to you and share the link back to the awarding blog.

Thank you Dee Ankary @ moonpreneur.net. I know she is an awesome person as well as very talented. I was lucky enough to receive a preview copy of her new book called Blog Transformation Secrets. It is awesome! You can read more about it at http://moonpreneur.net/blogtransformation.

Name 5 fabulous moments in your life

1. The first time I felt one of my unborn children kick. It took my breath away and blew my mind. It was at that time I knew there was a God because my husband and I could never have created such perfect beings.

2. The day I married my husband. Nobody has ever loved me with unconditional love like that before. Because of him I believe in life and people again.

3. Growing up on the ranch I was always in awe of when the animals were born. I have pulled a calf out of my cow, helped with the birth of twin lambs from my sheep, I have slept in the barn the night my pig had her litter.

4. The first time I saw a beach with the water. I grew up in Montana and we have beautiful scenery but no large bodies of water with a beautiful beach attached to it.

5. We use to go snowmobiling in Yellowstone Park on the Teton Mountains it was awesome.

Name 5 things that you love

1. A whole afternoon where I can curl up with a good book.

2. Spending time with my family.

3. A vacation with just me and my hubby doing what we want and when we want to do it.

4. Time to just chill out at home and play with my little dog.

5. Quiet Sundays after church and lunch with the whole day in front of me and knowing that I will probably get a nap.

Name 5 things you hate

1. The Texas heat in the summer.

2. Texas traffic!

3. Not having the freedom to travel as much as I want to.

4. Not going back to the ranch for years.

5. That I’m not always the wife I should be to my husband.

Pass the award to 5 deserving bloggers. (Ya’ all have to answer the last 4 questions then pass the award on to 5 other bloggers.)

This is getting harder to find people who haven’t had this honor yet.

1.  Tina Britt                  

2. Rob N Carri Hensley  

3. Johnson Tosca           

4. Lisa Marie Selow       

5. Johnson Tosca       

During the month of July every Monday we will offer you a free report or ebook dealing with children and family issues or marriage.

Today, we offer A small report called, 101 Creative Ways to Make Your Relationship Stand Strong!

fun little report with 101 ideas that you can do with your spouse to better your relationship. It’s fun, it’s free and to help get you headed in the right direction, we have chosen 101 ways to build, strengthen, and enhance your relationship.

Click here for the download of your free report.

Are you and your spouse feeling the strain?  You have a good marriage and relationship, but the two of you just need a break from the daily stress of everyday life.  Don’t force yourselves to drag on through and simply get by, instead go out on a date.  It may sound juvenile, but a regular date night can help your marriage.  Couples who spend time together, stay together.  Avoid marriage help by treating yourselves to a night out.

Communicate

One of the biggest reasons for marriage help is lack of communication between marriage partners. Avoid marriage counseling and other necessary help by taking the time to communicate with your loved one.  A trip to dinner may give you the opportunity to chat about what is going on in each other’s life away from home.  A nice meal without the kids can offer time for private conversations.

Common Interest

The stress of busy schedules, kids, deadlines, and bills does not allow couples to have time together for fun activities.  When couples enjoy each other’s company, they avoid the need for marriage help.  Sharing interests helps to bond a marriage together for life.

Go to an amusement park, see a play, dance together.  Whatever activities you and your mate enjoy are fine.

Tiny Gestures

Marriage help becomes a necessity when partners do not feel connected.  Marriage partners need to know that they are loved and wanted.  You and your mate will not need marriage help when you remember to treat your lover like the day you met him or her.  Open a car door or simply steal a kiss.  Tiny gestures from the heart will make all the difference and help your marriage to stay strong.

Heart to Heart

Don’t just end your date with a kiss.  Intimacy is a significant part in a marriage.  When couples don’t find time to share their deepest thoughts and dreams, trouble is immanent.  Marriage help will be right around the corner.  End your date with a cup of coffee and some heart to heart talks.

The Getaway

Plan a secret rendezvous with your spouse.  Nothing will light a fire in a marriage like a surprise date.  A weekend getaway, a romantic dinner, or a quiet night at home may be just what you need as a couple.  Planning such a surprise date is fun and exciting for you and a thrill for your partner, as well.  You won’t need marriage help when you show your mate how much you love them and think of them when you surprise them with a spontaneous date planned in advance.

Priorities

Don’t neglect your date night.  Make it a normal monthly or weekly routine.  Putting your marriage first on the list of priorities will be best for the marriage.  Maintaining your marriage is a great way to avoid marriage help in the future.

A night out on the town can rejuvenate a marriage.  Communication and privacy are also key aspects of a marriage that can be addressed by having a regular date night.  Couples who do not put their marriage first on the list of priorities might end up needing marriage help.  Avoid this situation by making the time for a date in your schedule on a regular basis.

Ron and Shawn make up the “Odd Couple.” We are a husband and wife team who have been together for the last 27 years. We have laugh, cried, fought, made up, and made more mistakes then any two people could. Through it all we have raised the greatest three kids in the world! We would like to invite you to our newest project called Don’t Ruin Your Marriage. This is a free webinar about 10 marriage secrets that everyone should know. Get more information here. Here is a picture of us at the World Famous Ft Worth, TX  Stockyards